How to Forgive YOURSELF and NOT Forget
We are who we are BECAUSE of what we've experienced -
if you REALLY thought about it,
would you take any of them away?
And if you did,
how would that change who you are RIGHT NOW?
And if you want to change something about yourself or went through in the past,
is there a way you can take a step back and...
While your goal doesn't HAVE to be forgetting, ignoring, avoiding,
you can get to a point of forgiving and moving, not necessarily on, but FORWARD.
And not JUST moving FORWARD as you were,
but building off the experience or parts of you
and becoming stronger?
Could it be you can actually get to a place where you're even thankful for them BECAUSE of what they did to you or who they made you?
So many insightful questions, I know!
I challenge you right NOW
to take out a paper
and start WRITING down some of those answers.
Gain some perspective on ALL the parts of you,
the good, bad and the ugly...
Because guess what?
They're all BEAUTIFUL,
because they're what makes you, YOU
And nobody is YOU,
so you're always needed.
But NEVER FORGET, who you ARE, why you're here, what you've lived through, what you've been through,
that made you, YOU!
Forgiveness means that you accept the behavior, you accept what has happened, and you are willing to move past it and move on with your life without ruminating over past events that cannot be changed.
Here's how to start self-forgiveness:
Forgiving yourself is about more than just putting the past behind you and moving on. It is about accepting what has happened and showing compassion to all the parts of yourself. By taking responsibility and accepting, you can avoid negative emotions, such as excessive regret and guilt.
2. Focus on Renewal:
Forgiving yourself often requires finding a way to learn from the experience and grow as a person.8 To do this, you need to understand why you behaved the way you did and why you feel guilty. What steps can you take to work with it differently in the future?
3. Reduce Rumination:
Giving past failures less time and attention is one way to help move forward. But you also need to examine the expectations and standards you hold for yourself. If you would forgive a friend for something, why hold a higher bar to clear for yourself?
Recall the hurt this situation has caused. Then actually give yourself the empathy you would give someone else, along with an altruistic gift of self-forgiveness. It may help to go through a ritual of forgiveness. Write yourself a letter, give yourself the length of a hike to process your feelings one final time, or create a tangible expression of the painful experience, such as a sculpture in the sand or a pile of rocks in your garden, to commit to that self-forgiveness. Put time into this act and decide that when you are done, you'll really let it go.
5. Embrace Self-Acceptance:
Even after you've forgiven yourself, you may have a hard time coming to terms with your past mistakes. Accept what you can’t change. Remind yourself that actions don't define who you are. Getting stuck in the past makes it impossible to move forward to a better future.
6. Resolve to Live with More Care:
We all make mistakes. By vowing not to repeat them, you'll have an easier time making amends with what's been done while being hopeful about what's to come.